I know exactly what you mean. I have exactly one friend who I can say things to like "All humans start out being susceptible to influences that could make them hold those views, but you and I were lucky to have experiences and learn things that helped us recognize coercive control. Have some compassion for a fellow human even though they have abhorrent views." Almost everyone I interact with now-a-days thinks it is wrong to have any tolerance for people with views they think are evil.
It took me a long time to give myself permission to interact courteously with people I view as enemies. I finally realized that I want to be compassionate and courteous to everyone, and that I should not let someone's horrible views or the intolerance of my people to people with horrible views change me to be less compassionate than I want to be.
On another note, Alice, do you have many real-life friends that really value your meta outlook on people? I often feel that it is my most important quality, but also the quality most people I know don't care that I have. Do you get frustrated by that, or do you know a lot of people that feel the same way so you can appreciate each other when ideas like this come up?
Yes, we seem to live in an age where understanding and tolerance are increasingly rare. When views or beliefs turn into actions that violate consent or the law, I'm not suggesting we tolerate such behavior without justice (nor do I think that's what you're saying). But I do think we must be willing to understand the factors that led to it. Otherwise, how else is change supposed to occur?
The self-permission to interact with courtesy and grace toward those we disagree with shouldn't have to be such an act of bravery. We all have unique life experiences that have led us wherever we find ourselves. I'm glad you haven't let anyone dampen your compassion!
My real-life friends definitely appreciate my "meta outlook," haha! I hadn't thought of it that way, but yes, I know that I am loved for my ability to "zoom out" and consider multiple sides—and offer and make space for differing perspectives. Even when it makes loved ones uncomfortable, I know they trust me to be as objective as I can be, if that's the kind of feedback they're looking for. I also feel lucky to have similar thinkers in my life who challenge my views with intelligence and grace. I hope you find some more IRL friends you can feel totally yourself with. 🥰
I need this advice as a person that can be on both sides of this, especially in these times where reality is made up, it seems, by every individual. You've taught me to take some time to understand why someone may think the way they do. I'm still not great at it, but I'm learning.
Aww, I'm so happy to hear it! I hope I'll always be learning. I think many people too often confuse the ability to understand and listen with an inability to hold boundaries or have backbone. This is, well, understandable to me! It's sometimes hard to swallow the misperceptions of others, but I'm getting better at being less defensive and more accepting.
I know exactly what you mean. I have exactly one friend who I can say things to like "All humans start out being susceptible to influences that could make them hold those views, but you and I were lucky to have experiences and learn things that helped us recognize coercive control. Have some compassion for a fellow human even though they have abhorrent views." Almost everyone I interact with now-a-days thinks it is wrong to have any tolerance for people with views they think are evil.
It took me a long time to give myself permission to interact courteously with people I view as enemies. I finally realized that I want to be compassionate and courteous to everyone, and that I should not let someone's horrible views or the intolerance of my people to people with horrible views change me to be less compassionate than I want to be.
On another note, Alice, do you have many real-life friends that really value your meta outlook on people? I often feel that it is my most important quality, but also the quality most people I know don't care that I have. Do you get frustrated by that, or do you know a lot of people that feel the same way so you can appreciate each other when ideas like this come up?
Yes, we seem to live in an age where understanding and tolerance are increasingly rare. When views or beliefs turn into actions that violate consent or the law, I'm not suggesting we tolerate such behavior without justice (nor do I think that's what you're saying). But I do think we must be willing to understand the factors that led to it. Otherwise, how else is change supposed to occur?
The self-permission to interact with courtesy and grace toward those we disagree with shouldn't have to be such an act of bravery. We all have unique life experiences that have led us wherever we find ourselves. I'm glad you haven't let anyone dampen your compassion!
My real-life friends definitely appreciate my "meta outlook," haha! I hadn't thought of it that way, but yes, I know that I am loved for my ability to "zoom out" and consider multiple sides—and offer and make space for differing perspectives. Even when it makes loved ones uncomfortable, I know they trust me to be as objective as I can be, if that's the kind of feedback they're looking for. I also feel lucky to have similar thinkers in my life who challenge my views with intelligence and grace. I hope you find some more IRL friends you can feel totally yourself with. 🥰
I need this advice as a person that can be on both sides of this, especially in these times where reality is made up, it seems, by every individual. You've taught me to take some time to understand why someone may think the way they do. I'm still not great at it, but I'm learning.
Thank you, Alice!
Aww, I'm so happy to hear it! I hope I'll always be learning. I think many people too often confuse the ability to understand and listen with an inability to hold boundaries or have backbone. This is, well, understandable to me! It's sometimes hard to swallow the misperceptions of others, but I'm getting better at being less defensive and more accepting.
Fantastic! Thank you Alice for your spicy unfiltered creativity. I especially like your trademarks! 😆
Haha, you're welcome and thank you!