I said on Instagram that I don’t plan on commenting much about Amazon Prime’s docuseries Shiny Happy People—aka, That Duggar Documentary.
But I will share this about my experience watching it and leave it here, because while some will find it offensive, I know others will find it helpful. My motive is to help.
Much of Shiny Happy People was relatable and would have once been very triggering for me. I credit years of therapy—and the excavating process of writing my book—for allowing me to no longer have panic attacks that the topics of hell, Biblical marriage, and male headship/female submission once brought on.
But no part of the docuseries was more triggering for me than the Christians interviewed who had the gall to look at fundamentalism and say, “That’s not Christianity.”
Well then what is it, you smug, self-righteous, condescending fuck?
Yes, that is the uncensored response that comes up for me. That’s before I’m able to temper my reaction with grace—grace both for myself and for the Christians who, as Jesus put it, know not what they do.
When Christians invalidate the experiences of fundamentalists by saying things like, “There’s nothing Christian about corporal punishment,” or, “That’s legalism, that’s not being led by the Spirit or inspired by Christ,” …I have violent impulses. Protective impulses. Impulses that compel me to scream from the rooftops that their well-meaning denial only compounds the trauma of many survivors.
So this is just to say to anyone who can relate:
Yes, it was Christianity. Yes, your abuse was Biblically-based and God-ordained. Yes, Jesus said he came to fulfill the laws of the Old Testament, not abolish them.
(Matthew 5:17, Luke 24:44, and too many Proverbs to count.)
I cannot tolerate when well-meaning Christians try to minimize the harm their cherry-picked version of faith continues to perpetuate. If you feel compassion for survivors of fundamentalist abuse, don’t you dare deny that your faith had anything to do with it. Your denial and dismissal are nothing short of gaslighting in its sincerest form.
This protective feeling I have over survivors—especially survivors whom progressive Christians and apologists so often unwittingly invalidate—is why I built DaretoDoubt.org. It’s why I wrote and published Wayward. It’s why I refuse to respect religion, even as I respect people who practice it. Abrahamic faiths, as well as many others, perpetuate physical abuse, rape, and unquantifiable psychological trauma.
Yes, we know—#NotAllChristians, #NotAllMuslims… Read your holy books in full and imagine you’re neurologically wired with a literal-interpreting brain. Not everyone is #blessed like you to magically know which of God’s commands are literal vs figurative. Embrace this and here is where you’ll find compassion. Here is where you’ll find understanding. Here is where you maybe have a chance at ceasing your denial that retraumatizes the very people you’re trying to help.
Survivors, if you still find comfort in a new interpretation of faith, I understand. I’ve been there, too. My journey eventually led me to atheism but I truly appreciate and respect that not everyone will find themselves there. Most humans are genetically wired toward faith—it is odder when they’re not, and I personally observe evidence suggesting propensities toward faith are an evolutionary gift, a survival mechanism.
My only motive in speaking out against faith’s many unintended harms is to let those wired more like me—with an inability to “feel God” or “connect to the Universe”—know that they’re not alone. It is not their fault. Their experiences are valid.
Most importantly, help and healing can be found.
I know Shiny Happy People has left many feeling more than a bit triggered. If you could use the support of a therapist, secular or faith-friendly, or if you’d simply like to connect with others who share your background, you can take this brief quiz. Its resulting resources are not exhaustive but will at least point you in helpful directions.
Once more for the people in the back: Yes, it was Christianity.
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Yes!! I felt the same way watching the Hillsong documentary. While I’m glad that people are telling their stories and this abuse is being exposed, this sensationalism of certain groups makes it seem like this theology/attitude is the exception. It isn’t. It just often looks more mainstream.
Hi Alice! I'm sure you have heard of Dr Steven Hassan. I've been listening to his podcast The Influence Continuum, and he often talks about how cults twist the true message of religion from one of love to one of anger, hate, and judgement. It's been bothering me for a while, and this newsletter perfectly sums up why. In my opinion, the people who say that Christianity is loving are just as guilty of cherry-picking as the people who use specific passages for nefarious purposes. I really wish people could recognize the major religious books for what they are...collections of man-made stories that should be in museums rather than having any relevance in the modern world. It is unfortunate to me that people continue to want to worship these books even when they know they are choosing the parts they want to believe. It makes so much more sense to me to recognize that the books are flawed, man-made creations rather than divine spiritual guidance and just stop using them all together.