Religions of Woman & God: Addressing Playboy’s Disturbing Past and Why I Am On Their Platform
⏱️ 16 min read | Audio version below
This essay is available in audio format.
I would imagine as savvy as you are that you have probably watched “The Secrets of Playboy”… I would love to hear your take on the show, the history of Hef, and how you are with navigating the Playboy brand now that the abuse that took place inside the mansion has been exposed. ~ Lisa
— @igotout_org in the comments of my Instagram post about becoming a Playboy Bunny
This blog post is in response to the thoughtful Instagram comment above from Lisa, one of the women who runs the cult survivor account @igotout_org. Her weighty question, shared by many, deserved a lengthy reply.
This won’t be like my usual think pieces, which I spend weeks fact-checking, credibility-sourcing, and revising to make them as bulletproof as possible to critics. No, this post is shared from the unfiltered stream of my consciousness, written on my Notes app while on an airplane. Whether it’s the high altitude or the earplugged solitude, many of my deepest thoughts come spilling out of me on a plane.
Lisa’s query brought up a deep response.
I don’t expect my thoughts to make sense to others. They rarely seem to, and those who know me intimately and understand my brain are walking presents in my life. Gifts I do my best to reciprocate. It is for those who would sincerely like to know my innermost thought processes that I’ve decided to share more of who I am with a journal-like sub-series, right here on Substack. This post might be considered my first. (More on the rest later.)
Before I proffer my plane-fueled thoughts, I’d like to share how I responded to Lisa on Instagram.
“Thank you for this thoughtful question! My take right now is this: I’ve seen Playboy listen to survivors and do a 180 to their brand. Hef is dead and there are new and progressive execs at the helm… Its past is indeed stained. Ugly. I’m happy to see such an influence of US society rebranding itself in ways that seem positive to me… Your question elicited a very thoughtful journal entry that I may share as a blog piece. You’re not alone in wondering at how and why I’m comfortable with Playboy as my platform of choice.”
She said she looked forward to my blog. So, dear Lisa, this is for you, and for anyone else sharing similar queries or who would merely like a glimpse into the mind of this here ex-evangelical Playboy Bunny.
This is also for anyone who wonders what the hell is going on in my head when I post things that are questionable or “problematic.”
I think the glorification of women is like a religion.
Like a religion, there is reverence and there is abuse. Hugh Hefner played God and America worshipped, or condemned as Satanic, the revival of sexuality in the West.
I would never suggest to a survivor of Hefner’s abuse, or the abuse from anyone else around him, to get over it and become a Bunny because Playboy has rebranded anew. That would feel like telling a Catholic or Southern Baptist abuse survivor that because the old leader has died, they should come back since the church has rebranded anew. This, to me, would feel deeply wrong.
I would also never suggest to someone who’s found comfort in the Catholic or Southern Baptist faith to leave because I personally had a bad experience. I do not seek to get people to leave their religion. I only know that many, like me, do not have a positive experience within faith. I’ve shared my story in hopes of making others feel less alone. So while I support the women telling their stories of abuse within Playboy—just as some of my Christian friends support me telling my stories of abuse within the church—I am able, without having shared their trauma, to appreciate the good I see in Playboy and take my own comfort in it. And, dare I say, redemption.
I’ve spoken many times about how celebrating my sexuality freed me from the shame of Christian purity culture. As the first episode of Secrets of Playboy points out, one can paint Hefner as an oppressor or a liberator. I think he was both. On a macro-scale, Hugh Hefner greatly contributed to the dismantling of purity culture and the religious values that harmed me. On a micro-scale, he greatly contributed to the inexcusable abuse that harmed other women. To my perspective, both truths coexist. Just as both truths coexist that religions of faith can cause as much harm as they do good.
My choice to work with Playboy comes from careful evaluation. I am capable of looking at the crueler parts of its past with sorrow, empathy, and condemnation. I am also capable of looking at their present with pragmatism, optimism, and the recognition that those who run the brand now are not the people who ran it in its most abusive heydays. I don’t care to judge people of the present for the sins of their predecessors. I’m grateful to be part of one of the most powerful rebrandings our society has witnessed, and I feel a responsibility for the role my small sphere of influence can and will play in its future.
There are other platforms I could be on. I’m not worried about losing my following on Playboy, as most of my subscribers are from Instagram and would likely subscribe to me elsewhere. I touch on Playboy’s classier reputation as being one of the reasons I chose it in my blog post that led to Lisa’s Instagram comment.
I don’t make explicit content. Most platforms cater to explicit content in ways that Playboy doesn’t, both in technical features and what is laid out in their terms of agreement. In the ’70s and ’80s, Playboy was considered a “respectable gentleman’s magazine” compared to the more graphic Hustler and Penthouse magazines. Similarly, Playboy today might be considered a more “respectable” platform compared to others offering adult content. I figured I’d have fewer subscribers disappointed in my content if I was on Playboy instead of elsewhere. And to be crystal clear: All creators on all platforms are deserving of equal respect.
The biggest difference between the Playboy of the past and the Playboy of today—besides the death of Hugh Hefner—is that the models, called Bunnies, are now in total control of what they create, what they share, and what they charge for it. No Bunny has to be nude or topless if they don’t want to be.
I believe the survivors featured in Secrets of Playboy. I believe Holly Madison, Sondra Theodore, Miki Garcia, and countless others. I believe the stories of abuse they share. I also believe Pamela Anderson, who champions Playboy in her documentary Pamela, A Love Story as the force that liberated her.
Do those abused by sex deserve to have their choice to cover up or abstain from future participation celebrated? Yes. Do those, like me, who experienced abuse from the teachings of chastity deserve to have our choice to bare all and express our sexuality celebrated? Yes.
What the Religion of Woman and the Religion of God have in common are good teachings tainted by the abuse of many men—and also evil teachings redeemed by the empowerment of many women.
“Playboy’s greatest critics through its history have been members of the Moral Right and what Hugh Hefner would have described as ‘radical feminists.’ They opposed the objectification of women that was central to Playboy’s existence.”
— Jamilah Lemieux, Journalist & Cultural Critic, Secrets of Playboy
I cannot express how deeply this quote resonated with me. My greatest critics have been members of the Moral Right and those who I would describe as radical feminists—radical leftists, rather, most of whom would proudly identify as feminists.
I am not a feminist. I have never called myself a feminist because I never want to live in a world of masculinists, as so many women before me did. I don’t observe hypocrisy to win friends, ever. To say it’s okay to have feminists but not masculinists feels more like vengeance than justice to me. I feel the same way about the vilification of white people for the benefit of non-white people. Charlie Cheon better articulates my sentiments in his YouTube video “What Are We Doing to White People?” (His video “AntiAsianness Within the Black Community” is also worth a watch.)
Hate is hate. Hypocrisy is hypocrisy. Revenge is revenge and love is love.
I observe most forces of power to have equally good and equally evil outcomes. I don’t observe anything in life that is all good or all evil. Not a person, a movement, an ideology, or a brand. I think it is a disservice—to myself, mainly—to ever strive for a world that is better than before. I don’t observe the world to get better. I observe its evils to change.
The world’s evils remain constant and change in method (i.e., the wars of the Middle Ages vs military torture methods today), in location (i.e. the Northern Hemisphere today vs the Southern Hemisphere of yesteryear), and in culture (Western health today vs Eastern health centuries ago). The world’s goodness remains constant, too, yet also changes in its method, location, and culture.
I observe life to be cyclical. Neither progressing nor regressing. I don’t observe evidence to the contrary, that things are better or worse now than they’ve ever been. I’ve read the optimist books saying things are better now, but for whom? People in the Northern Hemisphere? Westerners? Have things gotten better for hunter-gatherers, most of whom live south of the equator? As our technological advances have extended and improved our lives (healthcare, heat, and clean water), have our innovations not also hindered and hurt the lives of others elsewhere, and our planet itself (physical and mental health crises, displacement due to deforestation, climate change acceleration, so…many…more...)?
This is my perspective. I am open to new evidence—I am always seeking new evidence. Yet this is what the results of my search maintain: That a powerful force for change in the world will, inevitably, bring as much harm, oppression, and destruction to some as it will bring help, liberation, and healing to others.
Playboy is but one example of this. I am not surprised or rattled by the abuse, sexism, and exploitation Playboy Enterprises led to. Neither am I surprised by the racial equality, egalitarianism, and freedom it led to—freedom its former Playmates and whistleblowers acknowledge themselves. I think Secrets of Playboy and the women featured in it do a poignant job of showing both the good and bad of Playboy and particularly of Hugh Hefner. His legacy is indeed mixed. Potent. Polarizing.
My legacy, however minuscule by comparison, is likely to be similar. People have and will continue to accuse me of perpetuating racism, misogyny, transphobia, and other hateful things, simply because they do not agree with or understand my perspective, if they even take the time to ask for it. People also have and will continue to credit me for perpetuating healing, liberation, truth-telling, and other restorative things.
I have made peace with this. I will continue to make peace with this when my peace is rattled, for I cannot exist as anyone other than who I am, nor see or feel the world through any experience other than my own. I am capable of holding so many infinitely conflicting points of view at once—and finding validity, truth, and rationale in all of them. I don’t know why and I don’t know how to be any other way.
I don’t ask for understanding, nor even acceptance. Just the basic respect of my difference. If not respect, then at least not harassment. And, with the humility of irony, I know this is and will always be too much to ask for. Humans, myself included, are only capable of so much grace, so much tolerance, and so much compassion.
Some women like Holly Madison felt exploited by Hugh Hefner and Playboy at the deepest level. Some women like Pamela Anderson felt empowered at the deepest level. Each has her own individual experience in the Religion of Woman, just as each person has their own, individual experience in the Religion of God.
Religions of God, of faith, are not for me. I did not find comfort, peace, or love there; rather, hardship, terror, and shame, and eventually crippling panic. Yet my experiences within religions of faith don’t invalidate the grounding, life-saving, and love-finding experiences that others find.
I don’t think highly of faith. This is no secret. So I understand why some people don’t think highly of sex and the worship of women—let’s go ahead and call it objectification, I have no problem with it. I like being objectified. I can say this because there are so many men in my life who know and love the depths of my mind and heart as much as they can appreciate the beauty of my body. I know how lucky I am and that not every woman can say this. I have compassion for women who have been harmed by objectification just as I have empathy for women like me who have felt empowered by it. Both can be true. Both are true. The evidence is staring you in the face. To ignore one does not make holier the other.
I think it is our own responsibility to know ourselves, to know our boundaries, and to speak up for them when they are encroached upon or violated. Who else can know our inner worlds but us? I also know the paralyzing terror of the freeze and fawn response that my nervous system hijacks me into when I am threatened and abused. I know what it’s like to go along with a man’s pressure because I am too locked up inside to object. I know all too well the self-hatred and self-blame, and the hot burning of shame, that comes from not speaking up for my truth. I know what it’s like to betray myself, to be betrayed, and to quiver in the wallows of self-disgust.
I find empowerment through taking responsibility for myself. That is the ONLY way I have experienced true growth and found the courage to use my voice—and use my no. If I put power outside of me by demanding others know better, do better, and apologize, I do not find healing. Others may. But I don’t. I find exacerbated hurt and anger, for never have I received the apology I ever craved. It did me far better to apologize to myself for letting me down, and to have compassion for myself and my limitations. This is what led to my own self-actualization, confidence, and inner peace. No one can take this from me or persuade me otherwise, though they certainly try.
I don’t know why I am so content to accept that we all find abuse and empowerment, hope and healing, justice and love so very differently. I don’t know why it’s so hard for others to accept these differences without condemnation, and so very easy for me. But I am grateful. To my observation, I suffer less than they seem to.
I wouldn’t ask a cult survivor to go back to their cult, no matter how it rebranded or who was now at its helm. I would encourage them to tell their story and for other people to listen, and make their own informed decisions. I liken survivors’ experiences with sexual exploitation to my experience within religion—no one can convince me to go back. No one can convince me that a different pastor, a different denomination, or a more progressive expression of faith would be good for me. But I can wholly support that these may be good for them. I can totally understand why someone else’s experience within the same religion—within the same church, even—could have been nothing but positive and why they’d want it to continue.
Again, the workings of my brain are a mystery to myself. I know only to accept me, for I have found that not accepting myself is what causes me more harm than I’ve ever experienced from someone else.
I am increasingly okay with my multiplicities, with what appears as contradictions to others that feel like consistencies to me. I am becoming more at peace with who I am and who I am not, and I consciously check in with myself to see if I am in states of reaction, bitterness, vengeance, and other motives I try not to act on. I speak truth as I see it, when I want to, and after terrible consideration. I hardly ever write or speak about things I haven’t given great thought to. I know when I am being defensive and when I am being deliberately offensive. There are plenty of times I am grateful to know when I have been unintentionally offensive. The times that led to the most growth and change in me occurred when it was a loved one who shared how I hurt their feelings and told me, specifically, what I could do to avoid hurting them again.
I think an early lifetime of being forced to agree and conform to the ideas of everyone around me has left me steeled against doing so ever again. If I happen to agree with the popular opinion, I agree. If I happen not to, I don’t, nor do I wish to pretend to. Some argue that I might simply withhold my opinion rather than pretend—“It’s okay if you listen to Jordan Peterson as long as you don’t platform him,” I’ve been told.
What is the point of living a truthful existence if I am lying by omission? I do hold back that which I am still processing or don’t find to be a battle worth picking. You should see the blog posts I don’t publish, the tweets I don’t share, and the podcasts, documentaries, and works of art I choose not to make an Instagram story about.
That’s all, folks. If you made it this far through the airplaned rabbit holes of my mind, thank you. I appreciate the time you’ve taken.
I don’t expect my words to change anyone’s mind—that’s not my goal. My goal is to offer a deeper insight into my worldview for those who are genuinely curious.
As I said, I’ll be offering my innermost ponderings more frequently here for those who care to know them. Is there a topic you’d particularly like to see me address or flesh out? Drop it in the comments.
Until next time!
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Alice, I loved this blog post. It is sometimes frustrating to see how people, ideas, and organizations are simplified so that they are easier to love or hate. Your description of how you recognize that power can be experienced in a good way by some and in a bad way by others, and that both experiences can be valid, flies in the face of the trend towards simplification, and I love it. Understanding that people in similar situations might have vastly different yet equally valid experiences can really facilitate compassion for people with opposing views or cultures.
Incredibly powerful:
"I like being objectified. I can say this because there are so many men in my life who know and love the depths of my mind and heart as much as they can appreciate the beauty of my body."